January Thoughts

Sorry I haven't posted in so long, one thing led to another and I assumed that posting was becoming a thing of the past, but I've realized I need it too, even just as a creative outlet. Right now I have been stepping into the manageral role at Christian Publications and balancing my new marriage with time with friends and watching a lot of my favoriate shows...

Today I was thinking about how I seem to be in a rut of some sort. A place where I can't seem to go backward or forward... a greyness.

In C.S. Lewis's book "The Great Divorce" he describes a small town where the streets are all abandoned, there are very few people anywhere, and its just after dusk. Everything seems grey, lonley and the same. The sun never sets or rises it just stays the same and people just find things to do to pass the time. Nobody wonders if there is more and people are content to be alone and have as little interaction with others as possible.
When I read this it resignated home with me. I don't want to be just passing time till something meaningful happens in my life. Waiting for ministry to fall into my lap or worse yet hoping that it doesn't and just trying to pass the time having meaningless existence with the world's entertainment. This greyness encompasses all areas in my life, work, play, alone time and I know that there is more.

In the book the author equates that grey town with Hell. That seems so strong to me. Hell is really a place of burning, dieing, eternal regret and fire. But what if it really is just living in that grey zone without change, just passing the time, enjoying as much as can be enjoyed in the grey town without ever trying to find more. Alone and afraid. Maybe people in Hell are content with nothing meaningful, and ok in the darkness.

There is a greyness that is unsettling in my life. But it is familar and always the same. I don't want to be ok with it, but how do I stop? I need to consider this.

posted by ash @ 5:24 PM Comments: 6